Hmm, I know how you feel. There used to be someone who really irritated me. Do you know why we hate certain people, while we can tolerate others?
Isn't it simply because those people we hate have done something wrong to us?
No. We don't hate someone simply because of his actions. If someone has lied to us, for example, we don't hate him only because he has lied to us. If we do, how can we tolerate lies from other people?
I see. So why do you think we only hate certain people then?
Well, that's because we see our own shadow in those we hate.
What do you mean by shadow?
Our shadow is an aspect of our character and personality that we are not aware of, in contrast to the usual way we see ourselves. It may be something too embarrassing for us to admit that it could be a part of who we are.
Let me give you an example: In any competition, we loathe those who cheat their way to victory. But in fact, we quite often intend to cheat too, if only we can get away with it. However, we often deny having this selfish intention at all, despite the contrary. The stronger we deny our own intention to cheat, the more 'cheating' becomes part of our shadow. So when we see our shadow (i.e the tendency to cheat) in other competitors, we despise them.
I think I understand your concept. But I don't quite agree with it. Say someone broke into my house and stole my belongings. Are you saying that I hate the thief not because he has stolen my property, but because I intend to steal back from him?
In that situation, it is natural to feel sad and frustrated because you've lost your belongings. Even then, I still think your hatred towards the thief can only be due to seeing your own shadow in the thief.
Are you suggesting that I steal things?
Not at all. Let's put ourselves in the thief's dirty shoes. What might have motivated us to break into other people's property? It could either be because we don't respect property law; or we are in desperation for money; or we may simply be greedy - or most likely all of them put together. Given the chance to get away with it and not get caught or punished, what could stop us from committing this crime?
Of course, like you, I would naturally despise the person who's stolen my property. However, I could also try to separate the feeling of sadness of losing my belongings, from the feeling of hatred towards the thief. If I can get back all my property, my sadness may go away, but what about the hate? Only when I recognize my own shadow, that is, my own propensity to steal from others given the right conditions; then it would even be possible for me to stop hating the thief!
Of course he should be made to pay for the inconveniences he's caused. However, I don't think he should automatically be treated as an enemy.
Surely he's your enemy if he's already stolen from you!
Well, what if I later discover that he was my own brother? Should I treat him differently then?
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