On Loneliness

from Picasso's Blue Period

Loneliness is not the lack of company, or friends - as one can also feel lonely amidst a group of people. Loneliness, instead, is simply being tired of one own self. Let me explain why I think this must be so.

Having friends, does not actually depend on other people's interest in us. In fact, we are all egoists to a certain extent - that is, we care more about ourselves than about others. Even when we think we genuinely have interest in another person, it is only because we see (part of) ourself in that other person.

So to have any friends at all, one must first take interest in oneself. In doing so, we would then easily find this 'interesting' part of us reflected in other people around us. And as this happens, we would be more motivated to approach that other person, spark a conversation, and genuinely connect with that person. This all starts to happen only because, ironically, we began to take an interest in ourselves.

You might ask, what do I mean by saying that we can 'see parts of us' in other people? These parts may include our character, occupation, and fortunate or even unfortunate circumstances. When we notice them in other people, we get an urge to confirm this, as nothing can be more satisfying than to discover the familiar (parts of us) in unfamiliar places (other people) - like finding cash under your pillow.

Friendship, then, is actually a bond of mutually 'reflected self' - oneself reflected in others. Therefore, as time passes, and as the view of oneself changes with time, one may no longer see oneself again in one's old friend, and eventually the friendship may die away.

Returning to our discussion on loneliness; when one is feeling sad or depressed, then he may lose interest in himself. So that when he attends a social event, or, stays in his bedroom - either surrounded by people, or alone in his room - he feels lonely. And indeed, he would feel that way, as he is not interested even in the closest person he knows and lives with every second of everyday, himself.